Mother’s Day! A day to celebrate...well, moms obviously. It isn’t easy being a mom. You have to deal with soiled diapers, lack of sleep, unruly spouses and occasionally giving birth to the spawn of Satan if your name happens to be Rosemary. I’m thankful for mothers everywhere and, more importantly, thankful I’m not one.
To celebrate moms across the world on this joyous day, here is a little list of birth scenes that will really make you thank your lucky stars that you’re NOT giving birth any time soon. Unless you are. In that case, godspeed my friend.
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
You know how they say a woman in labor can be angry and emotional during child birth? Well you know who else that describes? Anakin Skywalker. Anakin was moody, morose and grumpy all the damn time. Yeah, yeah, you’re being tempted by the dark side. Yeah, yeah, all the family you’ve ever known is dead. Hush, Anakin, can’t you just give Padme a break while she gives birth to your damn kids?
There’s a lot of bad things in the Star Wars prequels (I mean a lot, a lot, a lot) but Natalie Portman’s performance in Sith isn’t one of them. She comes across as sympathetic and heartbroken, including in this birth scene. As bad as these movies are, it’s a nice mix of nostalgia and happiness when you see young Luke and Leia entering the world. Anakin shouldn’t be too excited to meet them though, for obvious reasons...
The Fly
Okay, they say that every child is loved by their mother but I wouldn’t blame Geena Davis if she wanted to send this one back. I know this is a dream sequence from The Fly but it’s still enough to turn most people off to ever getting pregnant. It’s also enough to turn people off to being doctors, nurses or even stepping foot in a hospital.
I can’t even imagine how many awful nightmares this scene spawned for expecting mothers. In a movie filled with many disturbing images, this one takes the cake. Do not watch this scene if you dislike maggots, children or director cameos.
Dawn of the Dead
While this birth scene from Dawn of the Dead ultimately ends poorly for the characters in it, it’s also kind of heart-warming. Father and mother are together. Father and mother are in love. Father and mother want their child. True, mother also wants to eat raw human flesh but it’s still sweet to see a loving family in this day and age. In all honesty, this scene STILL upsets me. The sweat, the blood, the gunfire, the lack of a properly trained mid-wife! What a disaster.
Alien
This one is kind of a gimme, something that nearly everyone lists when they’re talking about famous “birth” scenes. But it’s talked about so often for a reason: it’s an incredible piece of filmmaking and absolutely nails the feeling of tension, fear, confusion. And it’s so damn unexpected. Even now, all these years later, I feel caught off guard when this scene rolls around. Ridley Scott’s direction is pitch-perfect, the performers’ reactions are stellar and the conclusion — a God damned alien bursting from a man’s chest — is shocking every single time. What’s scarier than an alien literally ejecting from someone’s body? Having to spend the next 18 years nurturing and paying for it.
Children of Men
Of all the scenes listed, this is the only one that is remotely inspiring. The scene comes at the climax of the film as young Kee is about to give birth to the first child the world has seen in decades. It just so happens that the joyous occasion occurs in the middle of an all-out war between the military, immigrants, radical protestors and damn near everyone. Director Alfonso Cuaron delivers again and again in Children of Men and the birth sequence is just one of many masterpiece moments. But, boy, it’s a doozy. The viewer isn’t giving birth, of course, but after watching this lengthy sequence you’ll feel exhausted, hopeful and sad — all emotions I assume a new mother feels!